Do’s and Don’ts for family and friends of Graves’ disease patients.

author: Svetla Bankova

1. First: Don’t run away from a person who has Graves’ disease/hyperthyroidism. When it comes to Graves’ disease, or any thyroid disease for that matter, it would separate the weak from the strong. Don’t be that friend or spouse that leaves. Help as much as you can, write, email, text, visit, stay there for the long haul. The longer thyroid disease stays, the lonelier it gets.
2. Don’t say things like “Oh, you are just having a bad day, tomorrow will be different”, ” You can’t do the things you use to do 20 years ago” or “If you just get up and move, get outside and do things, you’ll feel better.” That’s not helping folks!
3. Don’t’ share horror stories about people who became worse because they had their thyroid removed, got RAI, or pursued natural treatment. It’s not considered a happy ending, if the character of your story got worse, one or another way.
4. When it comes to a serious disease like Graves’ disease or Hashimoto’s, there are no right words. Keep it simple: “I’m here for you!”. And mean it. Sometimes you don’t have to speak even, your presence is enough and matters more than any words. Keep in touch, even your friend/spouse with Graves’ disease is too tired to talk, or to spend time with you. Continue to be there for them.
5. Don’t offer medical advice or discourage the person from pursuing the course of treatment he or she was chosen. (Unless you are a medical professional and you’ve been asked for an advice). Whether you agree with their decisions or not, respect the choices they have made. It’s about their health, not yours.
6. Don’t blame the person for being sick with thyroid disease. It’s not their conscious choice. Don’t point that he/she is being sick because of smoking, not eating healthy, lack of exercise, eating too much red meat, stress or negative thinking. Seriously, don’t do that!
7. Don’t point out anything that isn’t flattering- like their bulging or protruded eyes (that hurts!), brittle nails, skinny bodies, overweight bodies or fine hair. Make sure that your words are necessary, helpful and kind. That matters!
8. Don’t be afraid of the person being sick: Graves’ disease or any thyroid disease is not contagious. Get in there and hug, hugs mean more than words!
9. Don’t say you know how the person feels. You really don’t know! You can only guess, but that’s not enough.
10. Don’t ask personal questions; allow the person with thyroid disease some privacy. They don’t have to share everything with you no matter how close friend/relative/family you are to them. If they volunteer information, that’s fine. Some people prefer to keep their medical information private, other may go public. That’s their choice.
11. Don’t promise to do something that you can’t and won’t do for them. People with thyroid disorders may go through worst times of their lives, so don’t offer empty promises. The last thing for them is to be disappointed or heartbroken. Offer only what you are willing to follow through on.
12. Don’t take anything personally. Graves’ disease brings up all kinds of emotions, often negative. It can make the person irritated, angry, sad, depressed, anxious, nervous, tensed or all of the above. This has nothing to do with you, it is caused by their thyroid disease. It also makes the person awfully tired and exhausted so it is better to offer your help!
13. Instead of asking “What can I do to help?”, offer specific things: to babysit the kids for a few hours, to cook a meal, to run errands, to help with laundry, to drive somebody somewhere, to help with cleaning, to pick up kids from school, to help the children with homework, to fill the fridge, to go grocery shopping. Options are limitless, and you know best your friend/spouse/relative. If you can’t do something, you’ve been asked to, be honest. Don’t forget that it’s very hard for people with Graves’ disease to ask for help. That’s one of the reasons on a first place why they got sick!
14. Offer sweet little things that may help the person with thyroid disease feel better: buy movie tickets, invite over for dinner or lunch, buy flowers, write a card, send a nice text message, get them a good book/movie/CD, whatever you can afford or you can share. Trust me, your friend/spouse/loved one will never forget what you did for them.
15. Help the person with Graves’ disease to delegate duties. Make a list of what they need or want, then make a list of family, friends, co-workers, neighbors who might be the best matches to meet those needs and wants. Remember, this is temporary, but means a lot!

16. Sometimes a hug is all the person needs: it alleviates stress, depression and fatigue as well as lowers the risk of heart disease and strengthens immunity! A mere 10-second hug per day can reduce blood pressure and raise the levels of feel-good chemicals like oxytocin. So, go and hug your friend/loved one, it costs nothing! Don’t forget the 10 seconds rule!

Living with Graves Disease: 4 Quick Life Style Changes for Better Health and Better Life

 Watch your thoughts, they become words; Watch your words, they become actions; Watch your actions, they become habits; Watch your habits, they become character; Watch your character, it becomes your destiny!

Author Unknown

Let me tell you why I think the above is true. I discovered that by changing the way I think and by guarding my thoughts (really, really guarding them). I can change my perception about the world, how I act and react. This finally will determines what I do every day and certainly my future.

I have my fears. Questions like: What if I fail? What if does not happens that way I want to? What if I die in poverty, and cannot deal with the situations that will come?  What will happen to me? I would wake up a few times per night with nightmares and questions like those running in my head. Accordingly, all my actions the next day will be guided by these thoughts: I’ll be upset, angry and in general my actions will be driven by my fears! How fun! Needless to say, “I attract in my life whatever I give my energy, focus and attention to, whether wanted or unwanted” as Michael Losier said in his “Law of Attraction”. I was attracting problems of all kind.

The Graves’ Disease trap: This is crucial for people suffering from Graves’ Disease and Hyperthyroidism.  They cannot sleep anyway, they are anxious and worried about everything and anything. This is because of some of our personal traits, but also because of the rain of excessive thyroid hormones running through our bodies. Living with Graves Disease is not an easy thing to do, I admit that. 

 So this is what I came up with:

1. Living with Graves disease and hyperthyroidism requires you to guard your thoughts

While I am not able to control what’s happening to me, I can choose how to interpret the things that are coming on my way. I could be positive or negative. Glass half full, or half empty. My choice.

Worry is the #1 happiness and energy drainer. The fastest way to fill yourself with never-ending joy and energy is to quit worrying. How in the world you can achieve that? Each time you have a destructive and harmful thought, immediately replace it with an optimistic and constructive thought such as a solution to your miseries, real or imaginary  People who focus on solutions rather than problems are optimistic, happy and confident, not to mention healthy. I am pretty sure that they are also very healthy!

2. Living with Graves Disease and hyperthyroidism requires you to guard your words

I became very careful what I am saying: am I complaining, blaming, being negative or am I using positive affirmations and words? How do I talk about people and events, and most important about myself?  I have a sticky note on the mirror in my bathroom: “You say it, you own it”. That sentence helps me to remember that everything that goes out of my mouth goes into God’s ears. Are my words in my control? Yes, they are.

Changing the way you speak can actually change your attitude, emotions and feelings. Use “upbeat” words, instead of “upset” words.

For example, you can say, “I feel exhausted and tired” which is upsetting. Or, you can say, “I would take better care of myself…by doing so and so..”, which is positive. One of the most interesting differences between happy and unhappy people, says Maryann Troiani, Psy.D., is that happy people never or rarely use the word ‘try’ or ‘but.’ These two words leave people feeling hopeless and not in control of their lives. Happy people feel hopeful, and they know they can do it. The words ‘try’ and ‘but’ are excuses and unhappy people have tons of excuses for everything.

3. Living with Graves Disease and hyperthyroidism requires you to guard your actions

I noticed that I am doing things that are not necessarily of my best interest- they are time consuming, they don’t serve me anymore, they are not useful for me. For example small talk with people about things that I really don’t care about (and spending hours!). The Graves’ disease trap: we are overly nice with people who don’t deserve it, or are not important for us. Let’s talk about self-care!

I also have not being consistent when learning new things- like a new computer software or program- I’ll never follow the instructions or tutorials. First I’ll try it in practice and then, if I have problems, I’ll start looking for solutions. And if there are too many problems- I’ll just give up.

Needless to say, most of the above are big challenges for me. So, I decided to finish what I start, if I start to write an article- finish it, if I have to install a program- learn how to operate it and so on. If I don’t know how I’ll call someone who knows. Living with Graves disease requires to dedicate your time to things that really matter to you!

4. Living with Graves disease also requires you to guard your habits

As we all know not all of our habits are the best for us. Examine them, see what’s working and what’s not and change what needs to be changed.

If your habit for example is to argue with your boss/husband (not of your best interest!) try to listen to him/her next time and RE-position yourself (in that case meaning to try a different approach). If you don’t know exactly how, let me know and I’ll help you with this.

Do I get tired of guarding all these things? Yes, I do- sometimes I just want to soak into my old behavior and old self-pity mood, it’s so attractive to be unhappy sometimes, but these moments became shorter and shorter. I try to remind myself that the optimism and good attitude is the hidden key to my personal success and health.

Optimists create a clear vision of what their lives should look like, assertively working on their goals to achieve their vision and take self- responsibility. That pertains to your health goals as well. How can we have career goals, family goals but we are lacking health goals?

In contrast, pessimists have no clear vision about how their life should look like, and they love to whine, blame and moan. So which do I want to be: the happy and optimistic, or unhappy and pessimistic? The choice is yours again.

Living with Graves Disease requires you to set your own goals, not somebody else’s. 

Final thoughts:

What will be my or your destiny? We don’t know. What I know is that I’ll do my best  to make my experience on this Earth more pleasant and I’ll believe that whatever comes on my way- I can deal with it and it’s for my highest good. I prefer to believe this, instead of the option that I could fail.

I cannot resist sharing a Latin proverb with you, which reminds me why we are all here on this Earth:

“Fuga i dearum” or “ The Purpose is Pleasure”. So, whatever makes you feel well, do more of that and more often. That’s your mantra.